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You Are Enough!

Everyone I know has been quite anxious for summer to arrive. Chicago winters can be long drawn-out affairs that serve up side dishes of crankiness and cabin fever, not to mention the flu. But also a certainty that the sun will fix everything. Well, I personally love summer. I especially love the farmer’s markets with […]

A Lesson On Four Paws

Pets are great teachers. Not necessarily of good manners, but of the things that really matter. I can think of a couple lessons right off the top of my head. First, they’re experts at moving on once something is over. Cat left a little deposit for you that wasn’t where it was supposed to be? […]

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That Trigger Has a Safety

Last time we talked about how to help a friend who was also a victim, (click here for blog entry) This time we’re talking about how to help yourself; specifically, one way to begin to “thrive” rather than continue to be a surviving victim. One of the hardest things for anyone surviving trauma—of any kind—is […]

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Standing Still, Moving, or Both

I hate waiting. I always have. Today I’m waiting for a friend to show up. I know she’ll be here; she’s always prompt. But it doesn’t make the waiting any easier. Why is waiting so hard? I think it has to do with wanting to move on. We want to skip the waiting and just […]

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A Safe Place

The other day a friend of mine mentioned she was going to have lunch with a mutual acquaintance of ours. Without thinking (not usually a great strategic move) I said “Well, make sure you don’t tell her anything you don’t want repeated.” My friend, who is generally pretty “wide awake” regarding such things, looked at […]

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Who’s In Charge Here?

Before we began the work of healing – especially healing after violence at the hands of someone we trusted or loved (or both) we often stood in the shadows – meek, unsure of ourselves, feeling “not as good as” those around us. We didn’t dare “aspire” to good or better jobs, an office with our […]

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Forgiving Is For You – Not Them

So many times in our lives things happen that we have to forgive. The hangup comes for survivors of sexual or domestic violence when we equate forgiveness with acceptance of the wrong done to us. So let’s talk about that first. To be clear, when we forgive someone we are not saying that what they […]

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Standing in Daylight

Denial takes many forms, and I’ve yet to see one that is of real benefit. The denial after trauma – sexual assault, domestic violence, or otherwise – may be good “for the moment” because it helps get us through the trauma and into the light of day. Soldiers need it to get through seeing their […]

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My Story. From victim to Life Coach.

My story is one of despair and sadness yet triumph. The impacts of sexual assault are devastating and healing from such is a hard battle to fight. Statistically, 1 out of 4 women and 1 out of 6 men have been sexually abused. 90 percent of sexual victims know their abusers, a factor that worsens […]